Beyond the Five Stages of Grief: Helping Professionals and Bereavement Counseling

One of the most important functions that a health professionals can provide is counseling and compassion in times of loss. In addition to offering the spiritual comfort that clergy may offer, counselors, social workers, psychologists, physicians, nurses, and other helping professionals can also help a grieving individual or family if they have a deeper understanding of the bereavement process.

While the ground-breaking book on stages of grief by Elisabeth-Kubler Ross was an important step forward, the research into the grieving and healing process continues to add to our appreciation for both the similarities and differences in the stages across different persons.

As most know, Kubler-Ross began by defining the five stages of grief for those with terminal illnesses, and then generalized it to all important losses, including death and even loss of a job.

(A recent pundit suggests that even political losses can invoke the grieving process.)

The stages are follows:

1. Denial, in which the person refuses to believe what is happening

2. Anger, which the person recognizes the loss or impending loss and now feels rage and envy.

3. Bargaining, in which the person hopes to negotiate a deal, e.g., postponement of the loss in return for good behavior

4. Depression, which involves understanding the inevitable and loses hope.

5. Acceptance, in which the person comes to terms with the inevitable and becomes more present

It is important to know that Kubler-Ross did not say that these stages were an immutable road that all grieving persons travel down. She does day, though, that individuals will experience at least two. The order and duration varies from person to person, she explained, though many are unaware of that caveat.

Also, simply being aware of the stages does not provide the healer with the perspective or tools for responding to each of them. In order to provide the most meaningful kind of help at times of death or other losses, a well-grounded training is essential.

Courses in thanatology and grief counseling (also known as bereavement counseling) can add immeasurably to the understanding and competence of ministers, counselors, hospice workers, and others who find themselves in frequent contact with those who are suffering from terminal illnesses, impending death, death of loved ones, and other significant losses.